eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf, sechs, sieben, acht, neun, aus

10 days to go until surgery!  I'm both excited and nervous which I suppose is to be expected.


Will update as soon after surgery as I can!

hier kommt die Sonne

I figured one of my favourite songs by my favourite band would be suitable for this post. 

Eins, zwei,drei, vier, fünf, sechs, sieben, acht, neun, aus

(One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, out)

And so the countdown begins...

I received confirmation of my surgery date this afternoon; I'm set for June 18th, baring any emergency surgeries.  As soon as I had a firm date, this song popped into my head...here comes the sun...finally!

"Legt sich schmerzend auf die Brust"
(it lays painful on the chest)

so aptly describes the pain and discomfort I've been in for the past four years. 

"hier kommt die Sonne"

(here comes the sun)

The proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.  I just know I'm going to feel 200% better after this surgery.

It'll be a one or two night hospital stay; he told me it would be up to me depending on how I feel, and likely six weeks off work. I'll update more when I have more details; my information package was being mailed to me today. 

Enjoy the long Easter weekend everyone!  May you all be surrounded by family, friends and an abundance of love!

Cheating cancer one body part at a time...

How many surrendered body parts does it take to truly cheat cancer by BRCA mutation?  4 and counting….

The majority of women who test positive for a BRCA mutation view prophylactic mastectomy as the most effective strategy for reducing breast cancer risk.  Take out the ovaries too and we BRCA carriers reduce our risk of ovarian cancer from as high as 60 percent to something much closer to the general population average of 1.4 percent.

Seven years ago, when genetic testing for BRCA mutations was a relatively new option, the decision I faced seemed pretty cut and dry.  Keep the breasts and ovaries and very likely develop breast and/or ovarian cancer, or surrender some body parts and live a cancer-free life.  If only genetic mutations were so simple.  Since making that decision, science has had a lot more to say, mostly in the form of questions.

In addition to breasts and ovaries, BRCA mutations may also increase a woman’s risk of developing melanoma, leukemia, cervical, uterine, pancreatic, stomach, gallbladder (glad I don’t have mine!), bile duct cancers, and many others will be discovered I’m sure. Talk about a life sentence without any chance of being commuted! For the most part, medical researchers don’t know just how much BRCA mutations increase our risk of all these other cancers.  So what does a BRCA carrier do?  Wait?  Watch?  Push “it” out of our minds?  Keep “it” at bay with hope?  Dig in and search for answers?  Expel organs?

It depends.  Anywhere from all-of-the-above, to none-of-the-above, and everything in between. As family, we may share genes, but our responses to our genes are very much individual.  When and where does it stop?  Unfortunately for my family, not at our breasts and ovaries, not for at least 1 of us.  My maternal grandfather died from pancreatic cancer at the young age of 52. Unfortunately removal of my pancreas is not an option.

As BRCA mutation carriers, we have a lot to be grateful for.  We’ve beat a lot of odds, and yet such appreciation comes with a substantial burden, the burden of trading in body parts for a pass on cancer.  I just hope my tab is paid in full.

Choices My Mother Never Had

It will be 7 years ago tomorrow that I lost my sweet mom because of this damned genetic mutation!  Thank you for the gift of knowledge mom...I love you and miss you every day!

I was the first in our family to learn of the genetic mutation. Going by our family history, I inherited the mutation from my mother who inherited it from her father who inherited it from his mother. That was my great grandmother Lavina. Thankfully my sister tested negative which means my niece Maia will also be negative.  I have no children so this horrible mutation stops here!!!

This is the end of the line for you EX19DEL!  HA!

Knowing you are BRCA+ is often viewed as either a blessing or a curse. Yet, many days it certainly feels like both to me. I guess that is how life is...grey and not black and white, right? Nothing is ever perfect. Life is hard and full of tough decisions.

When all is said and done, to me, the knowledge is a huge blessing in my eyes. Not knowing wouldn't keep me safe. Knowing gives me choices...choices my mother never had.

My and my mom circa 1966.

Quick Update and Some Answers...sort of...

Successful but long day in London.  Just want to give a quick update...in a nutshell, Dr. Ross says there's no way to determine what's causing my pain (scar tissue [capsular contracture], tightness [my left foob is definitely tighter he said] or nerve pain). He doesn't think it's nerve pain based on my description of the pain, but he can't be sure...it could be a combo of all-of-the-above. 

Long story short, my options are do nothing or have a Latissimus Dorsi Flap.  He doesn't want to put me through the ordeal of a DIEP flap because there's no guarantee it'll will solve my pain issues.

I'm 99% sure I'll go with the Lat Flap.  We'll talk about it and think on it while we're away on vacation, and when  we get home, I'll let Margo know what I want to do.

Off to Cuba in 2 days so have lots to do between now and then.  Will update when I get home and have made my final decision.

Wearing my mutation with pride!

Back in December, I finally completed my BRCA Mutation Pride tattoo sleeve on my right arm.  I figured it was about time I shared!  I wear this with pride and it is definitely a conversation starter!

It's about time!!!!

After a very long four month wait, I finally received my referral to Dr. Ross at St. Joseph's in London.  My appointment with him is set for February 24th, 2014 at 1:00.  Here's hoping the weather is good and the roads are clear that day!!!  I'd hate to have to cancel and reschedule after how long it took to get this appointment!!!!

I'll update again after my appointment with Dr. Ross.

In the meantime, I'd like to share the following article published on the Huffington post on September 14, 2013.  It's well said and so very true. 

"Me and My Foobs: What It's Really Like Post-Mastectomy"

 

My favourite quote from the piece is "But those of us who either opted to have mastectomies as a preventative measure, or had mastectomies as a life-saving measure, aren't excited about our "new boobs." In truth, we'll never be the same. We see ourselves differently now when we look in the mirror, because we are different, inside as well as outside."

BRCAnxiety...what they don't tell you about BRCA testing!

Someone posted the following article on Facebook yesterday and I felt the strong need to share it.  This is a definite must read for anyone who has been through genetic testing, is thinking of being tested, for family, friends, doctors, nurses, everyone! 

 

At no point during my journey were the psychological effects of positive BRCA results ever discussed with me, nor was counselling ever offered other than a cancer survivor group.  I am not a survivor, I am a previvor, and in my mind, there is a big difference. 

 

As much as I love my medical team, I do think the medical profession needs to look at all aspects of genetic testing and the impact on people's lives. I have managed to learn to live with the impacts on a daily basis, however I have my days full of anger and sadness about "what I've done to my body" and how these life changing decisions have altered my life on so many levels.

 

Ok, small rant over.  Please read the article, it's definitely worth the time. 

 

Addressing the Psychological Impact of BRCA Testing

 

 

What you are NOT told about implant reconstruction.

Since my reconstruction, I have always been uncomfortable. All of the time it feels like I’m wrapped up in duct tape...I have persistent tightness in my chest that I have since discovered, many women describe after breast reconstruction.

 

My "foobs" look fine in clothes, but they are never going to feel like they did pre-mastectomy; where they are not pulling or not tight. I've been living with this for 3 years; I thought this was going to be my new "normal".

 

Even with the best plastic surgeon, breast reconstruction carries the risks of infection, bleeding, scarring and persistent pain in the back and shoulder. Implants can rupture or leak, and may need to be replaced.  There's also a syndrome called upper quarter dysfunction — its symptoms include pain, restricted immobility and impaired sensation and strength — has been reported in those who have undergone breast reconstruction...I'm beginning to wonder if this is my problem; the majority of my problems have always been on the left side; breast, shoulder and back.

Whether they are silicone or saline, implants do not last a lifetime. As many as half need to be replaced or removed within 10 years...or sooner in my case.  I have cohesive gel "gummy bear" implants.  They got their catchy nickname because when cut in half, the implant is stable and retains its shape, much like the chewy, gummy bear candies.  Many surgeons believe they look and feel more like natural breasts. They insist that "gummy bears" are also safer than other types of implants because they have a lower rupture rate.  This may be, but after one year of my first implants, I had revision surgery to change the shape and profile of my implants...problem NOT solved.

 

 

Reconstruction is not augmentation.  With breast augmentation, implants are placed on top of the chest muscle, under your natural breast tissue.  After a mastectomy, you have no breast tissue. I'll explain how it works...my reconstruction was started at the same time as my mastectomy.  The first step was to place a so-called tissue expander under my chest muscle, which normally presses against the ribs (the expanders SUCKED and were horribly painful, especially after a fill!)  My surgeon injected saline into these balloon-like pouches at regular intervals several weeks apart to create space for my implants.  Here is one of my originals posts describing one of my fills. 

 

 

 

 

In November 2009 my expanders were removed and replaced with implants. (Unlike breast tissue, which sits on top of the chest muscle, the implant is situated under the muscle, which holds it in place.)

 

 

 

With every move you make with your arms, chest, back; your chest muscles move and rub.  This can cause scar tissue and pain.

 

And this is where I find myself, dealing with pain and discomfort on a daily basis.  I do not know at this moment what my options are. 

 

There are autologous tissue transfer options where muscle, skin or fat from the abdomen are used as substitutes for implants. Some surgeons believe this creates a more natural-feeling and natural-looking breast (better than these hard-as-Barbie pancakes in my chest I'm sure!).  Because of previous abdominal surgeries, I do not even know if I am a candidate for a DIEP or SIEA procedure.  There is also the option of a TRAM flap, but I do not want to loose abdominal muscle. There is also the option of trying implants for the third time! I really don't want to go there again. My final option is to become a "no-boober" and opt to have my implants removed and have no further reconstruction. This is the option I hate the most.  I feel unfeminine enough (after being reconstructed) and the thoughts of having the chest of a 12-year-old boy makes me shudder. Yes, I know there are prosthesis, etc. but it's just not the same.  It's a personal thing and is hard to put into words.  Unless you've been there, you won't get it.

 

I'm hopeful I get my consultation with Dr. Ross quickly so I can speak to him and discuss my options; dealing with the unknown is not my strong point!  and the daily pain is getting to be a bit much!!!

 

 

Everything you ever wanted to know about BRCA2 but were afraid to ask! and my mutation…easily explained.

People ask all the time, what exactly a genetic mutation is, so here's a little refresher about mine. I originally posted this on May 25, 2008. I thought now was good time to post since my journey continues. Good think I rocked genetics in grade 12 biology to even kind of get this!!! :)

A lovely anonymous poster on the FORCE Message Boards gave a fabulous description of my genetic mutation. He/she put if very simply in laymen's terms.

My mutation is EX19DEL (aka c.8332-?_8488+?del)

All these weird question marks in the mutation name are a hallmark of the HGVS (Human Genome Variation Society) naming rules for big deletions / rearrangements.

All the lab typically knows is that a certain exon (or sometimes several of them) have been moved out of its proper place.

The easiest way to think about the exons is to imagine a novel published in a magazine, a chapter in every issue. If you have a stack of magazine and want to read the whole story, you read a chapter, skip a bunch of pages after it, pick the next issue, skip some pages before the next part of the story, and read on.

If it was a gene rather than a novel, then the in-between text you skip would be called an "intervening sequence", or intron. And the chapter you read would be called an exon.

Now suppose a chapter is missing. Maybe the whole magazine issue is lost, or maybe somebody ripped out a bunch of pages. Either way you don't have the whole story. Just how many "intron" pages are missing along with it wouldn't really matter for the reader.

But the HGVS rules demand that the lab reports the exact position of the lost part, to a letter, exon and intron alike. So a report would have to say something likec.8332-?_8488+?del

which means that the loss is from the "letter" 8332 in the story, to letter 8488, and they also miss an unknown number of "intron" letters before the "exon" chapter (that's minus-question mark), and an unknown number of letter after the exon (that's plus-question mark).

This kind of notation would typically draw a blank stare from a geneticist, of course. Are they, like, supposed to memorize where a letter 8332 is located in the story? So thankfully, the lab might explain the numeric mumbo-jumbo it in more transparent terms. Like, "it means that the exon number 19 is gone".

Mutations of this type are known as "large deletions" or "rearrangements". These "rearrangements" are not common. To make the matters worse, the traditional sequencing tests typically missed them. New, more sensitive tests have only become available recently.

Guess I was lucky. By the sounds of this, my mutation wouldn't have been found a few years ago!

 

and, the following was originally posted April 12, 2008

 

Everything you ever wanted to know about BRCA2 but were afraid to ask!

My genetic mutation according to the report I received from Cancer Genetics at the London Regional Cancer Program. The testing was done by Molecular Diagnostic Laboratory of the London Health Sciences Centre.

Genotype: BRCA2:EX19del
Comments: aka BRCA2: c.8332-?_8488+?19

I have a deletion of Exon 19 on my BRCA2 gene, which means there's a tiny bit "missing" for lack of a better term. This throws off the genetic sequencing and the functionality of the gene.

Those of you who know me, know I'm a bit or a "researcher". I hunt and hunt until I find the information I'm looking for. In high school, I was also a bit of a wiz in biology, and especially genetics. This has helped me greatly trying to understand what being BRCA2 positive actually means. Below you will find some information that I hope will make sense...it certainly helped me understand everything. Some of it is pretty scientific, but after doing my researching, it's all fallen into place and I kind of understand it now.

Happy reading!!!
What is the BRCA2 gene?
The official name of this gene is “breast cancer 2, early onset.” BRCA2 is the gene's official symbol.

The BRCA2 gene belongs to a class of genes known as tumor suppressor genes. Like many other tumor suppressors, the protein produced from the BRCA2 gene helps prevent cells from growing and dividing too rapidly or in an uncontrolled way.

The BRCA2 gene provides instructions for making a protein that is directly involved in the repair of damaged DNA. In the nucleus of many types of normal cells, the BRCA2 protein interacts with several other proteins, including the proteins produced from the RAD51 and PALB2 genes, to mend breaks in DNA. These breaks can be caused by natural and medical radiation or other environmental exposures, and also occur when chromosomes exchange genetic material in preparation for cell division. By helping repair DNA, BRCA2 plays a role in maintaining the stability of a cell's genetic information.

Where is the BRCA2 gene located?The BRCA2 gene is located on the long (q) arm of chromosome 13 at position 12.3. More precisely, the BRCA2 gene is located from base pair 31,787,616 to base pair 31,871,804 on chromosome 13. The BRCA2 gene's location is indicated by the yellow arrow.



How are changes in the BRCA2 gene related to health conditions?breast cancer - increased risk from variations of the BRCA2 geneResearchers have identified more than 800 mutations in the BRCA2 gene, many of which are associated with an increased risk of breast cancer. Many BRCA2 mutations insert or delete a small number of DNA building blocks (nucleotides) in the gene. Most of these genetic changes disrupt protein production from one copy of the gene in each cell, resulting in an abnormally small, nonfunctional version of the BRCA2 protein. Researchers believe that the defective BRCA2 protein is unable to help repair damaged DNA or fix mutations that occur in other genes. As these defects accumulate, they can allow cells to grow and divide uncontrollably and form a tumor.

other cancers - increased risk from variations of the BRCA2 gene
In addition to female breast cancer, mutations in one copy of the BRCA2 gene can lead to an increased risk of ovarian cancer, prostate cancer, pancreatic cancer, fallopian tube cancer, male breast cancer, and an aggressive form of skin cancer called melanoma. Mutations in the central part of the gene have been associated with a higher risk of ovarian cancer and a lower risk of prostate cancer than mutations in other parts of the gene.What is Chromosome 13?Humans normally have 46 chromosomes in each cell, divided into 23 pairs. Two copies of chromosome 13, one copy inherited from each parent, form one of the pairs. Chromosome 13 spans about 114 million base pairs (the building blocks of DNA) and represents between 3.5 percent and 4 percent of the total DNA in cells.

Identifying genes on each chromosome is an active area of genetic research. Because researchers use different approaches to predict the number of genes on each chromosome, the estimated number of genes varies. Chromosome 13 likely contains between 300 and 700 genes. Genes on chromosome 13 are among the estimated 20,000 to 25,000 total genes in the human genome.

Exon(s) DefinitionCoding sequence of DNA present in mature messenger RNA; DNA initially transcribed to messenger RNA consists of coding sequences (exons) and non-coding sequences (introns or "junk DNA"). Introns are spliced out of the messenger RNA prior to translation, leaving only the exons to ultimately encode the amino acid product. Introns have no apparent function.

BRCA2 has 27 Exons. I am missing Exon 19, which is somewhere central on the gene. I wasn't too thrilled to learn that mutations in the central part of the gene have a higher risk of developing ovarian cancer.

Deletion Definition A mutation in which one or more (sequential) nucleotides is lost by the genome. If the number lost is not divisible by 3 and is in a coding region, the result is a frameshift mutation. A frameshift mutation is a genetic mutation where part of the genetic code is removed from a chromosome and lost forever. This affects the overall genetic sequence, and the result can range from insignificant to fatal. This is what I have.

How my Exon 19 deletion would look:

Wild-type in genetics refers to typical or normal and Mutant means differing from the Wild-type; a mutation.

Looks like it's time to dust off the old blog...

It's ironic I find myself resurrecting my blog during National Hereditary Breast and Ovarian Cancer week and on National Previvors' Day. 

 

When I had my final breast reconstruction surgery in December 2010, I thought that was the end of my journey...apparently life has different plans for me.

 

My reconstruction has never felt comfortable; I have never felt "normal" as in how I felt prior to my mastectomy, but I thought that was how it would be and lived with it.  I had occasional pain and constant tightness and pressure.  Over the past week, I started to develop terrible pain on my left side.  I finally thought enough is enough and this past Monday, I called the Breast Care Centre at St. Joseph's Hospital in London.  I was given an appointment for the next morning at 8:30 am (they don't mess around) with my angel Margo, the nurse practitioner who had travelled my entire journey with me.

 

I was given a thorough examination and Margo thinks I've developed capsular contracture, which basically means my body is rejecting the implants. Margo's put in a referral to Dr. Doug Ross as my previous plastic surgeon left London 2 years ago. We discussed possible alternatives for further reconstruction.  I don't want to go the implant route again since this is round 2 as it is.  We discussed the possibility of a DIEP flap, apparently I have enough belly fat (thanks Margo! LOL) This is something I will have to discuss with Dr. Ross to find out if I'm even a candidate for the procedure.  I should receive my referral to Dr. Ross within a month and Margo will accompany me when I go.  Regardless of what surgical direction I go, one thing is certain...these implants have got to go!!!

 

I am resurrecting my blog and will update as things progress. 

 

It would appear, my journey once again begins...

 

 

Tattoo Session #3 September 9, 2011

Yesterday I went for my third session on my Pirates of the Caribbean chest piece.  I didn't bother posting after my second session because it was just some more outlining and shading.  Yesterday, we added colour!  Photographs do it no justice.  Jarkko's doing an amazing job.  I have no more sessions booked before our trip to Disney in October.  Hopefully we can get back at it soon!!!  Jarkko wanted the top part that shows, including the cover-up of the old tattoos, to look decent before our trip.  I think he did it!!!

Click on picture for larger version.

The tattoo Gods were shining down on my yesterday as the appointment before me was a no-show (something I will NEVER understand...who misses a tattoo appointment?) Because we had more time, we were also able to do the Steamboat Willie I'd been wanting. He's on the outside lower part of my right arm.  He looks incredible!  and reminds me of my dear sweet Dad.  So happy to have it done before our Disney trip too!  Not related to my scar cover-up, but a really important piece to me.

Click on picture for larger version.

A Pirate's Life for Me!

Content Warning
This blog post contains content only suitable for adults.

Last Friday, I had my first chest tattooing session. The first 2 hours was spent reviewing drawings, designs and drawing with Sharpies and stenciling on my chest. This is a huge project which involves covering up some old tattoos. Once we were happy with the designs and their placements, I sat for a 2 hour tattooing session, complete with Pirates of the Caribbean soundtracks blasting in my ear buds!

As promised, here are a few photographs. Warning, these do show my bare chest complete with mastectomy scars.

Before ~ mastectomy scars and old tattoos we're covering.

Artwork ~ designs superimposed over a photograph of my chest.
Left breast will be covered with a Kraken tentacle;
Right breast will have an open treasure chest with gold coins, the cup for the Fountain of Youth and Tia Dalma's necklace.

More artwork; The Black Pearl!!! The bow of the Flying Dutchman is in the top picture.

Stencils and lots of blue sharpie!!!

After first session. The Black Pearl is above my left breast; it's hard to see in this photo, but above my right breast is the bow of the Flying Dutchman surfacing. There will be a water vortex and waves added later. The signature Skull and Crossbones is centred on my chest with "Dead Men Tell No Tales" along my collar bone. There will be Hidden Mickey's hidden throughout the design. There is one in handle of one of the torches and there will be one hidden in the suckers on the Kraken tentacles! Jarkko is an amazing artist and came up with some "ironic" ideas for this design, like the "open chest" *smile*

Everything has healed wonderfully and the detail is amazing. It's hard to see in these photos as I'm cover in stencil and tattoo ink! I will publish detailed upclose photos when the piece is complete.

My next appointment is scheduled for August 19th...I can't wait!!!

It is not the destination so much as the journey, they say.

The above is a quote from Captain Jack Sparrow and is suiting to today's post as I embark on the final leg of my journey. Today we start my chest tattoo. My wonderful tattooist, Jarkko, has been drawing the piece and says he has some surprises for me. I'm not allowed to see until today! *smile* I'm very excited and very nervous at the same time.

I'm not sure how much we will get done today; I'm hoping we can get most of the outline done. It all depends on how my pain threshold is today. I will post before and after photos after today's session once the bandages come off; hopefully tomorrow.

Tia Dalma: You know of Davy Jones? A man of the sea, a great sailor. Until he run afoul of that which vexes all men.

Will Turner: What vexes all men?

Tia Dalma: What indeed.

Gibbs: The sea?

Pintel: Sums?

Ragetti: The dichotomy of good and evil?

Jack Sparrow: A woman.

Tia Dalma: A woman. He fell in love.

Gibbs: No, no, I heard it was the sea he fell in love with.

Tia Dalma: [annoyed] Same story, different versions. And all are true. See, it was a woman as changing and harsh and untamable as the sea. Him never stopped loving her. But the pain it caused was to much to live with, but not enough to cause him to die.

Will Turner: What exactly did he put into the chest?

Tia Dalma: Him heart.

Ragetti: Literally or figuratively?

Pintel: He couldn't literally put his heart in a chest. Could he?

Tia Dalma: It was not worth feeling what small, fleeting joy life brings.

Dead Men Tell No Tales

I know, I know, I've been negligent in my blogging. I've really felt no need to update. Since my revision surgery things have been going along wonderfully! I still have a little pain and discomfort but nothing like before my revision.

I'm about to embark on the final stage of my long journey though; tattooing my reconstructed breasts. I am however putting a different twist on the usual reconstructive breast tattooing. To quote my plastic surgeon: "I know you won't do nipple tattoos, but I know you'll do something. Whatever it is, I want pictures!".

Well, she's right and she'll get her wish. I have a consultation with one of my favourite tattooists on July 9, 2011, for a Pirates of the Caribbean themed chest piece! WOO HOO

I'm a Disney nut and have been a fan of Pirates of the Caribbean since long before the Johnny Depp days (gasp, I know! but he has made Pirates even better!). I've loved POTC since I first visited Walt Disney World in March of 1972. I'm dubbing this tattoo, my "Dead Man's Chest". ARRGH!!!

I've been researching what Pirates "elements" I want to incorporate in my chest piece. I have 2 amazing POTC Artwork books that have been a fabulous help. So far I've come up with the Disney Pirates skull (goes without saying), the key to the Dead Man's Chest, a Kraken, an Incan coin, Tia Dalma's Pendant and of course, the Black Pearl. The tattoo will start at my collar bone. The collar bone will say "Dead Men Tell No Tales" in "Pieces of Eight" font, and the tattoos will go right down my chest/breasts to cover my mastectomy scars.

I'm not sure how/if he can incorporate everything I have envisioned, but I know he'll do his best to try! We'll work out all those details at my consultaton on the 9th. My first tattooing session is scheduled for July 22, 2011. I can't wait!

ARRRGH Mateys!

Excuse our appearance...we are currently under reconstruction...again!

I can't believe it's been over 9 months since Dad's passing. Life has been absolutely CRAZY this year. I listed my house for sale; finally found a buyer in July with a 3-week closing date; moved into Dad's house and are currently living in renovation hell! You'd swear we're in an episode of Hoarders!

I saw my plastic surgeon in July during the chaos and again today. I have never been happy with how my reconstruction healed, so I am having a revision surgery on December 10th...5 days after we get back from a fun-filled family vacation at Disney World.

The surgery should be about 2 hours in length; she will remove my current implants, perform a capsulectomy (removal of scar tissue) and insert higher profile "shorter" implants. This should make the implants sit little lower in my chest (they currently feel like they're on my shoulders!) and will be a bit wider at the base to help with the "flat" spots; this will all hopefully give me a bit more of a natural look. I have requested my guardian angel anesthesiologist too (explained here). Hopefully he's available that day.

I'll have a lot of preparation to get done in a VERY short period of time. The kitchen reno is scheduled to take place while I am away at Disney, so that gives me only 4 days to try unpack and organize my new kitchen (EEEEE...I'm getting my dream kitchen, I can't wait). I'm sure I won't get it all organized, but will at least try to get enough done so I can easily access a few things after surgery. I'm scheduled to work the Monday to Thursday before my surgery, but may need to take a half day off here and there to try get things ready at home.

Stay tuned....

On a blogging hiatus

Since the passing of my dear dad on January 15th, 2010, my urge to blog has completely stopped. I'm in a daze these days and the past few weeks are all a blur. I'm numb and it all feels like a bad dream that I just can't wake up from.

My unhappiness with my new foobs seems so inconsequential at this point. I really haven't thought about it much these days; I guess that proves what the real important things in life are and it doesn't really matter what my chest looks like...it's just not that important! Things may change as time passes, but for now, I can live with them...at least now they won't kill me.

I have lost both my parents in under 3 years to this fucking disease and at least for now, it can't catch me!

Good night dad...I love you!!! ♥ ♥ ♥

Surgery update...finally!

I've done my surgery update finally. It's a bit long, so hope I don't bore anyone with it!

Surgery Day ~ November 25th, 2009

My surgery wasn't scheduled until 12:30, so we headed to London the morning of surgery. My husband and I arrived at St. Joseph’s around 10:30. Dr. Temple was ahead of schedule so I was taken into Day Surgery early. At this point, the nerves hit. For my mastectomy in July, I didn't have the nerves. I should have seen this as a little foreshadowing that things weren't going to go so smoothly.

First, I changed into my sexy gown and then Dr. Temple came in to mark me up with her trusty Sharpie!

Next came the part I dread, and that didn't go so well...the lab tech arrived to put in my IV. Not such a fun experience. I have small veins and it's usually difficult to give me an IV...today was worse! My wonderful caring husband held my hand for support (and for me to squeeze). She couldn't do it and tried poking and poking and poking at both hands. After about 10 minutes of this, she gave up and was going to speak to the OR staff. At this point I'm just about in hysterics. Despite my tattoos, I HATE needles and was almost at the passing out stage. I started to cry and could not turn off the waterworks. Shortly after a medical student working with Dr. Currin, the anesthesiologist, arrived. She did her 20 questions with me regarding medical history. She said not to worry about the IV, that she'd do it down at the OR. Ok, I felt a little better now. Since the hospital staff would probably frown on me bringing my dogs and cats with me, I brought Mickey and Minnie for moral support! This picture was taken by my hubby just before they wheeled me out.

About 10 minutes later, Dr. Currin's medical student and a very handsome orderly (had to mention that...I hate seeing a good looking man when I'm looking my worst!) arrived to wheel me down to the OR. They park my gurney in the hall just outside my OR door. The student doctor says she's going to do my IV now. Nope, my body had other ideas! She tried a couple of times in my right hand and ended up blowing 2 veins. My right hand turned a lovely purple colour! She said she was sorry and was going to speak to Dr. Currin and have him take a look at me. I start crying again!

Dr. Currin comes out of the OR and starts chatting to me. He looked familiar. He took one look at the Oriental goldfish tattoo on my right arm and says "I remember you, you have the carp on your arm!" He starts to laugh. He had been my anesthesiologist for my mastectomy in July. I knew I recongized him! He's older and English and had this aire about him that just wanted you to cuddle him like a grandfather or a teddy bear. He was such a sweet man. He put a tournequet on my lower left arm (instead of the usual upper) and started to slap my wrist VERY hard! OUCH!!! Next thing you know, I had an IV needle in me. He had that sucker in there in under 15 seconds and with no freezing first. What a wonderful doctor!!! The nurse hooked up my IV and started the antibiotic drip.

A couple of minutes later, they took me into the OR. As usual, I moved myself to the table and tried to get comfortable on a table that's only about 12 inches wide! They covered me with wonderful warm blankets. Dr. Currin rubbed my shoulders and said "You've been through a rough time today, I'm going to give you a treat. I'm going to give you the best buzz you've ever had." Whatever he gave me was WOW! Can I have some of whatever that was to go please? He put something into my IV and left me buzzed for a couple of minutes while the nurses hooked up the blood pressure cuff, heart monitors, etc. With my previous surgeries they had hooked me up wide awake and then just put me under. This time was definitely different!!! :-) They finally put the oxygen mask on me and told me to take couple of deep breaths. They injected the Propofol (a.k.a. Diprivan; think Michael Jackson, may he rest in peace) and out I went.

Skip to Recovery. I wake up and with worst sore throat EVER! I could hardly speak...the worst laryngitis I've ever had. I had been previously told that I was difficult to intubate and they had to use a special type of tube on me. Apparently this time was no exception. The recovery nurse told me the sore throat was from that. Other than the throat, I felt pretty good with very little pain although I'm sure the morphine I had been given during surgery was still at work. I'm lucky and wake up very easily from anesthetic and never feel nauseous, etc. As soon as I was able to sit up, the nurse gave me some Tramacet for the pain. I had two drains in (yuck ~ I HATE the drains).

After about 30 minutes, they took me back to the Day Surgery Unit where my hubby was waiting for me. The same very handsome orderly mentioned above got me some ginger ale and a cherry popsicle to help with the throat. He was very very kind and chatted with me for a few minutes. Shortly after that, Dr. Temple came in to see me. She laughed at my throat and said Dr. Currin really had to ram my throat a few times to get the tube in. I told her how wonderful I thought he was and she said if I decide to do nipple reconstruction or if need to do a revision surgery, we can request him again. I've made a mental note of that because I have a feeling there'll be a revision in my future...but more about that further on.

About an hour after I was in back in Day Surgery, I was allowed to leave. Yes, as hard as it is to believe, my previous mastectomy and today's breast capsulatomy and implants are day surgery. I was given two cards with my implant serial numbers (one for each side) and a prescription for Tramacet as well as a heavy duty antibiotic to prevent skin infection. I joked with my hubby that if they ever find my body and can't identify it, they can use my implant serial numbers to identify me. The nurse and I talked about the serial numbers and noted a recent case where this had been done. We both wished the authorities had never released that type of information because they are a lot of sickos out there. If someone would go to the efforts of disfiguring a body so much that it can't be identified (cut of finger tips and knock out her teeth), then we said we could see women being mutilated to remove their implants as well. But I digress. I was also given the instructions for the home care nurse.

DH went to get the car and the nurse wheeled me down to the hospital entrance. I was starving so part way home we stopped at McD's to get me some chicken nuggets and fries. The drive home was uneventful. It was good to get home.

Skip to next day. Good thing I had experience emptying drains. When I called the homecare people, I was advised someone wouldn't be here until Friday (my surgery was on a Wednesday), but I could call if there was an emergency or I had any problems they would send someone over. I saw my first homecare nurse on Friday. She's a neighbour of mine and she had visited me back in July after the mastectomy.

My tubes were removed on Monday. Dr. Temple had ordered that they had to come out on Day 5 regardless of home much drainage I still had. Removal was virtually painless and it felt good to have them removed. Sleeping with them in is next to impossible! I was pretty sleep deprived at this point. The nurse showed me the tubing and explained how much was actually in my breast (nearly faints)...I didn't need to know that!!! LOL I did enjoy many naps with my fur-nurses. Cats are the BEST fur-nurses. Raven (the little black cat) never left my side. Animals definitely have an instinct for when you're not feeling well. Both of my dogs who can be pretty rambunctious didn't jump on me once during the healing process.

Skip to next week. I'm so depressed and hate my new foobs. I have this horrible arm pit cleavage (for want of a better term) and to me my foobs look like flat hamburger buns. I spent about a week crying. Everytime someone would ask how I was doing, I'd start crying. I was miserable. I had moments where I had wished I hadn't done reconstruction at all and had opted to remain a no-boober.

I had my follow-up appointment with Dr. Temple on December 7th. My sister came along as driver and moral support. Margo was there too (my angel Margo). Dr. Temple said I was healing nicely. When she asked what I thought, I started to cry. I told her I didn't like how I looked and had been afraid to tell her for not wanting to hurt her feelings (silly I know). She said I still had a lot of swelling in my chest muscles and that it will take quite some time for things to settle down. She said not to be silly about hurting her feelings. 10 - 15% or reconstruction patients require some sort of revision surgery. I'm to go back to see her on June 21st, 2010, the day she returns from her maternity leave. If I'm still not happy then, we'll schedule a revision to place them differently, or perhaps change the profile and/or size. I currently have medium profile implants. Dr. Temple showed me some massages to do on my foobs. I'm to push them up, push them down and push them together to create cleavage. This is done because there's scar tissuing forming and this is to help put the implants where I want them. She said to do them everytime I sit on the toilet, or whenever. I told her "hell, I'll do those at work! LOL" They joked about the guys looking at their watches wondering what time Shari starts work! LOL I almost obsess about the massages. I'm constantly doing them. Anyone who doesn't know I've had reconstruction surgery could see me and think I was constantly playing with myself! :-) The only down side is the massages to cause some discomfort. That's probably from breaking up the scar tissue.

Once Dr. Temple left the office, Margo sat next to me and we had a good chat with me and my sister. If you recall from my first blog entry, my sister tested negative to this nasty mutation. Please read here from an old blog of hers for an account of our genetic testing and my positive result. Margo said she understood my emotions and that I'd been through so much in the past year (3 surgerys virtually removing every female part I had). She was going to have a psycologist friend of hers, Colleen, give me a call to talk. Margo is so wonderful!

After my appointment I felt so much better. I can wait six months. I'm hoping with the constant playing with my new foobs, that things will settle down and I'll start to like the way I look.

For your viewing pleasure, this is how my foobs look today. I have to say the incisions are healing very well. Dr. Temple definitely is a talented plastic surgeon. Her incisions are very fine.

I finish my sick leave tomorrow, and start Christmas vacation on December 24th. I'll be back to work on January 4th, 2010. It will be good to get back. I have certainly missed everyone and my work (yes, I love my job and the work I do!).

I wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you to everyone for all your support in 2009. I couldn't have done this without you. I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and best wishes for a happy and healthy 2010.

Love,
Shari

Sorry; I've been neglecting my blogging responsibilities!

Sorry I haven't updated since my surgery. That update blog will be difficult to write and I've been on a emotional roller coaster since surgery. I will update sometime over the holidays when I feel more up to it. I am healing well (at least physically!). I'll update about my day of surgery and the roller coaster ride that followed. Again, sorry for not updating...will get to it soon!

4th and Last Fill ~ better late than never!!!

Sorry for the late posting, but my life has been crazy for weeks!

I had my fourth and final fill on September 21. This fill was incredibly painful. There was 100cc more room in each expander; however Dr. Temple could get no more than 75cc in each side. My poor body would stretch no more. This suited me fine as the pain was excruciating. It was so bad; I had to take a couple of days off work afterwards. Thanks goodness the pain is all gone; just a little discomfort every now and then.

My exchange surgery is scheduled for November 25 at 12:30. Dr. Temple has ordered me 395cc implants; she thinks that size will look pretty. I can’t wait to have the exchange surgery done and have this all behind me.

Here are a few photos after the 4th fill.