Excuse our appearance...we are currently under reconstruction...again!

I can't believe it's been over 9 months since Dad's passing. Life has been absolutely CRAZY this year. I listed my house for sale; finally found a buyer in July with a 3-week closing date; moved into Dad's house and are currently living in renovation hell! You'd swear we're in an episode of Hoarders!

I saw my plastic surgeon in July during the chaos and again today. I have never been happy with how my reconstruction healed, so I am having a revision surgery on December 10th...5 days after we get back from a fun-filled family vacation at Disney World.

The surgery should be about 2 hours in length; she will remove my current implants, perform a capsulectomy (removal of scar tissue) and insert higher profile "shorter" implants. This should make the implants sit little lower in my chest (they currently feel like they're on my shoulders!) and will be a bit wider at the base to help with the "flat" spots; this will all hopefully give me a bit more of a natural look. I have requested my guardian angel anesthesiologist too (explained here). Hopefully he's available that day.

I'll have a lot of preparation to get done in a VERY short period of time. The kitchen reno is scheduled to take place while I am away at Disney, so that gives me only 4 days to try unpack and organize my new kitchen (EEEEE...I'm getting my dream kitchen, I can't wait). I'm sure I won't get it all organized, but will at least try to get enough done so I can easily access a few things after surgery. I'm scheduled to work the Monday to Thursday before my surgery, but may need to take a half day off here and there to try get things ready at home.

Stay tuned....

On a blogging hiatus

Since the passing of my dear dad on January 15th, 2010, my urge to blog has completely stopped. I'm in a daze these days and the past few weeks are all a blur. I'm numb and it all feels like a bad dream that I just can't wake up from.

My unhappiness with my new foobs seems so inconsequential at this point. I really haven't thought about it much these days; I guess that proves what the real important things in life are and it doesn't really matter what my chest looks like...it's just not that important! Things may change as time passes, but for now, I can live with them...at least now they won't kill me.

I have lost both my parents in under 3 years to this fucking disease and at least for now, it can't catch me!

Good night dad...I love you!!! ♥ ♥ ♥

Surgery update...finally!

I've done my surgery update finally. It's a bit long, so hope I don't bore anyone with it!

Surgery Day ~ November 25th, 2009

My surgery wasn't scheduled until 12:30, so we headed to London the morning of surgery. My husband and I arrived at St. Joseph’s around 10:30. Dr. Temple was ahead of schedule so I was taken into Day Surgery early. At this point, the nerves hit. For my mastectomy in July, I didn't have the nerves. I should have seen this as a little foreshadowing that things weren't going to go so smoothly.

First, I changed into my sexy gown and then Dr. Temple came in to mark me up with her trusty Sharpie!

Next came the part I dread, and that didn't go so well...the lab tech arrived to put in my IV. Not such a fun experience. I have small veins and it's usually difficult to give me an IV...today was worse! My wonderful caring husband held my hand for support (and for me to squeeze). She couldn't do it and tried poking and poking and poking at both hands. After about 10 minutes of this, she gave up and was going to speak to the OR staff. At this point I'm just about in hysterics. Despite my tattoos, I HATE needles and was almost at the passing out stage. I started to cry and could not turn off the waterworks. Shortly after a medical student working with Dr. Currin, the anesthesiologist, arrived. She did her 20 questions with me regarding medical history. She said not to worry about the IV, that she'd do it down at the OR. Ok, I felt a little better now. Since the hospital staff would probably frown on me bringing my dogs and cats with me, I brought Mickey and Minnie for moral support! This picture was taken by my hubby just before they wheeled me out.

About 10 minutes later, Dr. Currin's medical student and a very handsome orderly (had to mention that...I hate seeing a good looking man when I'm looking my worst!) arrived to wheel me down to the OR. They park my gurney in the hall just outside my OR door. The student doctor says she's going to do my IV now. Nope, my body had other ideas! She tried a couple of times in my right hand and ended up blowing 2 veins. My right hand turned a lovely purple colour! She said she was sorry and was going to speak to Dr. Currin and have him take a look at me. I start crying again!

Dr. Currin comes out of the OR and starts chatting to me. He looked familiar. He took one look at the Oriental goldfish tattoo on my right arm and says "I remember you, you have the carp on your arm!" He starts to laugh. He had been my anesthesiologist for my mastectomy in July. I knew I recongized him! He's older and English and had this aire about him that just wanted you to cuddle him like a grandfather or a teddy bear. He was such a sweet man. He put a tournequet on my lower left arm (instead of the usual upper) and started to slap my wrist VERY hard! OUCH!!! Next thing you know, I had an IV needle in me. He had that sucker in there in under 15 seconds and with no freezing first. What a wonderful doctor!!! The nurse hooked up my IV and started the antibiotic drip.

A couple of minutes later, they took me into the OR. As usual, I moved myself to the table and tried to get comfortable on a table that's only about 12 inches wide! They covered me with wonderful warm blankets. Dr. Currin rubbed my shoulders and said "You've been through a rough time today, I'm going to give you a treat. I'm going to give you the best buzz you've ever had." Whatever he gave me was WOW! Can I have some of whatever that was to go please? He put something into my IV and left me buzzed for a couple of minutes while the nurses hooked up the blood pressure cuff, heart monitors, etc. With my previous surgeries they had hooked me up wide awake and then just put me under. This time was definitely different!!! :-) They finally put the oxygen mask on me and told me to take couple of deep breaths. They injected the Propofol (a.k.a. Diprivan; think Michael Jackson, may he rest in peace) and out I went.

Skip to Recovery. I wake up and with worst sore throat EVER! I could hardly speak...the worst laryngitis I've ever had. I had been previously told that I was difficult to intubate and they had to use a special type of tube on me. Apparently this time was no exception. The recovery nurse told me the sore throat was from that. Other than the throat, I felt pretty good with very little pain although I'm sure the morphine I had been given during surgery was still at work. I'm lucky and wake up very easily from anesthetic and never feel nauseous, etc. As soon as I was able to sit up, the nurse gave me some Tramacet for the pain. I had two drains in (yuck ~ I HATE the drains).

After about 30 minutes, they took me back to the Day Surgery Unit where my hubby was waiting for me. The same very handsome orderly mentioned above got me some ginger ale and a cherry popsicle to help with the throat. He was very very kind and chatted with me for a few minutes. Shortly after that, Dr. Temple came in to see me. She laughed at my throat and said Dr. Currin really had to ram my throat a few times to get the tube in. I told her how wonderful I thought he was and she said if I decide to do nipple reconstruction or if need to do a revision surgery, we can request him again. I've made a mental note of that because I have a feeling there'll be a revision in my future...but more about that further on.

About an hour after I was in back in Day Surgery, I was allowed to leave. Yes, as hard as it is to believe, my previous mastectomy and today's breast capsulatomy and implants are day surgery. I was given two cards with my implant serial numbers (one for each side) and a prescription for Tramacet as well as a heavy duty antibiotic to prevent skin infection. I joked with my hubby that if they ever find my body and can't identify it, they can use my implant serial numbers to identify me. The nurse and I talked about the serial numbers and noted a recent case where this had been done. We both wished the authorities had never released that type of information because they are a lot of sickos out there. If someone would go to the efforts of disfiguring a body so much that it can't be identified (cut of finger tips and knock out her teeth), then we said we could see women being mutilated to remove their implants as well. But I digress. I was also given the instructions for the home care nurse.

DH went to get the car and the nurse wheeled me down to the hospital entrance. I was starving so part way home we stopped at McD's to get me some chicken nuggets and fries. The drive home was uneventful. It was good to get home.

Skip to next day. Good thing I had experience emptying drains. When I called the homecare people, I was advised someone wouldn't be here until Friday (my surgery was on a Wednesday), but I could call if there was an emergency or I had any problems they would send someone over. I saw my first homecare nurse on Friday. She's a neighbour of mine and she had visited me back in July after the mastectomy.

My tubes were removed on Monday. Dr. Temple had ordered that they had to come out on Day 5 regardless of home much drainage I still had. Removal was virtually painless and it felt good to have them removed. Sleeping with them in is next to impossible! I was pretty sleep deprived at this point. The nurse showed me the tubing and explained how much was actually in my breast (nearly faints)...I didn't need to know that!!! LOL I did enjoy many naps with my fur-nurses. Cats are the BEST fur-nurses. Raven (the little black cat) never left my side. Animals definitely have an instinct for when you're not feeling well. Both of my dogs who can be pretty rambunctious didn't jump on me once during the healing process.

Skip to next week. I'm so depressed and hate my new foobs. I have this horrible arm pit cleavage (for want of a better term) and to me my foobs look like flat hamburger buns. I spent about a week crying. Everytime someone would ask how I was doing, I'd start crying. I was miserable. I had moments where I had wished I hadn't done reconstruction at all and had opted to remain a no-boober.

I had my follow-up appointment with Dr. Temple on December 7th. My sister came along as driver and moral support. Margo was there too (my angel Margo). Dr. Temple said I was healing nicely. When she asked what I thought, I started to cry. I told her I didn't like how I looked and had been afraid to tell her for not wanting to hurt her feelings (silly I know). She said I still had a lot of swelling in my chest muscles and that it will take quite some time for things to settle down. She said not to be silly about hurting her feelings. 10 - 15% or reconstruction patients require some sort of revision surgery. I'm to go back to see her on June 21st, 2010, the day she returns from her maternity leave. If I'm still not happy then, we'll schedule a revision to place them differently, or perhaps change the profile and/or size. I currently have medium profile implants. Dr. Temple showed me some massages to do on my foobs. I'm to push them up, push them down and push them together to create cleavage. This is done because there's scar tissuing forming and this is to help put the implants where I want them. She said to do them everytime I sit on the toilet, or whenever. I told her "hell, I'll do those at work! LOL" They joked about the guys looking at their watches wondering what time Shari starts work! LOL I almost obsess about the massages. I'm constantly doing them. Anyone who doesn't know I've had reconstruction surgery could see me and think I was constantly playing with myself! :-) The only down side is the massages to cause some discomfort. That's probably from breaking up the scar tissue.

Once Dr. Temple left the office, Margo sat next to me and we had a good chat with me and my sister. If you recall from my first blog entry, my sister tested negative to this nasty mutation. Please read here from an old blog of hers for an account of our genetic testing and my positive result. Margo said she understood my emotions and that I'd been through so much in the past year (3 surgerys virtually removing every female part I had). She was going to have a psycologist friend of hers, Colleen, give me a call to talk. Margo is so wonderful!

After my appointment I felt so much better. I can wait six months. I'm hoping with the constant playing with my new foobs, that things will settle down and I'll start to like the way I look.

For your viewing pleasure, this is how my foobs look today. I have to say the incisions are healing very well. Dr. Temple definitely is a talented plastic surgeon. Her incisions are very fine.

I finish my sick leave tomorrow, and start Christmas vacation on December 24th. I'll be back to work on January 4th, 2010. It will be good to get back. I have certainly missed everyone and my work (yes, I love my job and the work I do!).

I wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you to everyone for all your support in 2009. I couldn't have done this without you. I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and best wishes for a happy and healthy 2010.

Love,
Shari

Sorry; I've been neglecting my blogging responsibilities!

Sorry I haven't updated since my surgery. That update blog will be difficult to write and I've been on a emotional roller coaster since surgery. I will update sometime over the holidays when I feel more up to it. I am healing well (at least physically!). I'll update about my day of surgery and the roller coaster ride that followed. Again, sorry for not updating...will get to it soon!

4th and Last Fill ~ better late than never!!!

Sorry for the late posting, but my life has been crazy for weeks!

I had my fourth and final fill on September 21. This fill was incredibly painful. There was 100cc more room in each expander; however Dr. Temple could get no more than 75cc in each side. My poor body would stretch no more. This suited me fine as the pain was excruciating. It was so bad; I had to take a couple of days off work afterwards. Thanks goodness the pain is all gone; just a little discomfort every now and then.

My exchange surgery is scheduled for November 25 at 12:30. Dr. Temple has ordered me 395cc implants; she thinks that size will look pretty. I can’t wait to have the exchange surgery done and have this all behind me.

Here are a few photos after the 4th fill.

I Survived!!!

Wednesday was my first day back to work following my PBM. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to make it with the pain I was in from Tuesday’s fill, but when I woke up Wednesday morning, the pain was gone!!!! There’s still a very slight tightness in my chest, but that’s it! Since the pain only lasted the first day, maybe I will complete the rest of my fill at the next visit on September 21...I'll see how it goes and she uses 50cc syringes; I can always stop after one.

Going back to work Wednesday and Thursday was exhausting, but I did manage to work a full 7 hours each day. I have today off ~ I usually don’t work Fridays. On my first day back, I received the most beautiful bouquet of sunflowers from my cohorts in crime, er, I mean my co-workers, Mark and Tammy! Thank you both! They are beautiful. Mark said since I was returning to work, so was the sunshine. So very sweet.

Many many of my girlfriends at work copped a feel of my new foobs with many varied reactions. The hardness of the expanders surprised quite a few! LOL Everyone said I looked great. I’m starting to get out of my funk and am feeling much better about myself. Those negative thoughts are beginning disappear. It’s good to be back and to have the “distraction” of work. I had really missed all of my friends and coworkers!!!

Fill #3...almost there!

I had fill #3 today. OUCH! At my insistence, Dr. Temple put in 100ccs on each side instead of the usual 75. Most of the pain is not in my chest strangely enough; most of the pain is in my left shoulder, shoulder blade and back. My fault, I know! My last fill went so well with virtually no pain and very little discomfort, that I thought I would try more. I’m in a fair amount of pain, although it’s started to subside a little...thank you Advil. My drive home was not fun and very uncomfortable. Since my last fill went so well, I didn’t take a driver with me today...OOPS! Lesson learned.

I’m now at 350ccs, so have only 100 more to go. She said I may only need one more, but after today, I may have less put in next time. We’ll see how long today's pain lasts and how I feel for the next appointment. I’m scheduled for September 21st.

Dr. Evans assisted again today, so with one on each side, today’s fill went just as fast as the last one. Dr. Temple started to giggle near the end of the fill and said “you’ll really notice the difference now!” And, boy what a difference there is!

Here are a few photos after today's fill. The dots are little bandaids they put on after the fill...after seeing them in a photo, they look like bad fake nips to me! LOL The right one leaked when the needle was removed and even after the bandaid was put on and soaked through my t-shirt...I looked like I was lactating! LOL They are coming along really nicely and I am beginning to really like the way they look in clothing...undressed I still am having problems with the way I look, but in clothing, I'm beginning to look pretty "normal"...which is very important to me.

Larger pictures will open in another window.